Seeking Guidance for Coping with Eating Disorder Triggers and Thoughts
I'm an 18-year-old female, weighing around 120 lbs and standing at 5 feet 4 inches tall. Over the past few months, I’ve been navigating the transition of living independently while pursuing my college education, making strides to establish healthier routines for myself.
Having been a competitive athlete throughout my formative years, I grew up in an environment where maintaining a fit and slender physique was intensely stressed. However, upon entering college, my exercise regimen dwindled, leading me to gain about 5 to 7 pounds. This change was a source of anxiety for me, and following a somewhat offhand remark from my mother regarding my weight, I felt compelled to regain control.
Regrettably, my response wasn't the healthiest. I started to severely limit my intake, sometimes going as long as 3 to 5 days subsisting on just gum, water, and the occasional energy drink. There was a sense of pride in my ability to endure such restrictions, and I experienced an unsettling exhilaration from the emptiness in my stomach. However, when I finally succumbed to the urge to eat, I would then purge. Initially, it was an isolated incident, but it soon regrettably escalated into a more frequent occurrence over the next month or so. I found myself meticulously tracking my calorie intake, and despite significant restrictions on certain days, I would often purge any small healthy meals I managed to consume because I despised the sensation of fullness.
I began gravitating towards all-zero-sugar and low-calorie options, steering clear of foods I once cherished. To this day, I still experience apprehension surrounding specific dishes that used to bring me joy. After recognizing my behaviors, my roommate intervened, suggesting healthier methods to alter my weight, such as embracing regular workouts.
Taking her advice to heart, I dedicated myself to making a change. I’ve done reasonably well since then, only reverting once or twice following that realization. I started engaging in exercise more frequently while prioritizing balanced meals and sufficient sleep, resulting in a notable improvement in my overall happiness.
Upon returning to college after the winter break, I set new fitness objectives for myself. Despite never being overweight, my goal was to shed additional pounds and enhance muscle tone, prompting an increase in my workout frequency. Understanding the necessity of a caloric deficit for weight loss, I began eating less. My current practice involves loosely estimating my calorie intake from Monday to Thursday with an aim of keeping it below 1000. I also strive to burn over 1000 calories during those weekdays, reducing my expectations to at least 500 calories burned on weekends. My routine typically includes strength training 5 to 6 times a week, along with around two hours of incline walking on the treadmill and outdoor distance walks. On the weekends, I don’t track my calories explicitly; I try to eat mindfully but find myself skipping meals occasionally when I feel I’ve overindulged. I treat myself to sweets during the weekends, but I have developed a fear of certain foods I used to enjoy, such as pasta, avocados, peanut butter, and even whole bananas, opting instead for a third of a banana for breakfast throughout the weekdays.
I've successfully lost a considerable amount of weight and feel pleased with my progress. Nevertheless, I frequently experience stomach discomfort and bloating, often leading me to believe I might feel better when I don’t eat rather than when I do. My current approach includes keeping my caloric intake lower for four days while designating the remaining three days as ‘refueling’ days to maintain a balance.
Although this routine has yielded positive mental and physical results, I am now dealing with injuries and am concerned about needing to limit my walking routine to allow my ankle time to heal, as I want to avoid prolonged setbacks due to tendonitis. I recognize this regime has significantly aided my mental well-being and helped manage my anxiety regarding food. Last month, for instance, I logged 229 miles of walking and burned over 30,000 active calories according to my Apple Watch. While I appreciate the structure I’ve established, I’m uncertain about how to proceed with my injury and I am apprehensive about repeating the behaviors I experienced in the past.
Does anyone have suggestions or alternatives I could incorporate during my recovery while still staying active? Any insights or advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
AddictionAnxietyDepression