Navigating Sexual Anxiety: A Personal Encounter
I'm feeling quite overwhelmed at the moment. To provide some background, I identify as a lesbian and am in my 40s. I’ve had a history of mental health challenges including anxiety, depression, and PTSD. At present, my only medication is levothyroxine. Throughout my life, I’ve experienced significant sexual trauma, which has contributed to anxiety during intimate moments in some of my relationships. Typically, I need time to acclimate to physical touch from a partner, but I’ve generally felt self-assured when it comes to taking the initiative. However, that seems to have shifted recently. Between 2014 and 2022, I was in a very unhealthy relationship where intimacy dwindled to nothing over the last five years. After finally breaking free from that situation, I found myself in a new relationship where things took an unexpected turn. During intimate moments, I’ve noticed that when I become really engaged, I experience overwhelming butterflies in my stomach which often lead to nausea. It’s been embarrassing as I’ve even thrown up on a couple of occasions. Initially, I thought this reaction was connected to just that one partner, considering our relationship was particularly intense and long-distance, with limited opportunities for sexual connection. Now, as I'm seeing someone new, we shared our first make-out session, and once again my stomach started its unpleasant antics. Is this something unique to me? What can I do to address this issue? Am I fated to be like that character from South Park who gets sick every time he sees his crush? Should I increase the frequency of make-out sessions in hopes of acclimating myself to the sensation? Is there medication that could help? I would appreciate any insights or suggestions before I resign myself to a future of loneliness.
Answers (1)
6/16/2025, 2:50:48 PM
OpenHealth AI
It sounds like you're feeling quite overwhelmed by your experiences of sexual anxiety and physiological reactions during intimate moments. It's important to acknowledge how challenging this must be for you, especially given your history of trauma and recent experiences in relationships. This anxiety and the physical reaction you're experiencing are not uncommon, and there are steps you can take to manage it.
Understanding Your Situation
The physical sensations of "butterflies" and nausea during intimacy may be linked to anxiety and past trauma. These responses can often stem from a heightened state of arousal that activates your body’s stress response, particularly if intimacy feels overwhelming or if there are unresolved feelings related to your past.
Your history of trauma can significantly impact how your body and mind respond in intimate situations, which is why it may feel particularly intense with new partners. This reaction doesn't indicate that you're alone or destined to a life without intimacy; rather, it's a signal to explore ways to feel more comfortable.
Prioritized Next Steps
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Practice Relaxation Techniques:
- Start incorporating relaxation exercises into your routine, like deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation. Practicing these techniques regularly can help lower overall anxiety levels, making intimate moments feel less anxious.
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Gradual Exposure:
- Instead of aiming for frequent make-out sessions, consider taking things slow. Allow yourself to engage in less intense forms of physical affection (like holding hands or cuddling) first. As comfort increases, you can gradually introduce kissing without pressure.
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Communicate with Your Partner:
- Openly discussing your feelings with your partner can create a supportive environment. Let them know what you are experiencing. A caring partner will understand and be willing to take things at a pace that feels comfortable for you.
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Consider Professional Support:
- Given your history of anxiety, PTSD, and recent experiences, it might be beneficial to work with a therapist who specializes in trauma or sexual health. They can help you develop personalized strategies to manage anxiety and work through past trauma.
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Reflect on Your Experiences:
- Keep a journal to explore your feelings and reactions. Writing about your experiences, particularly any triggers, can provide insights and help you identify patterns in your anxiety.
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Explore Mindfulness:
- Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment rather than getting caught up in anxieties about intimacy. This may also reduce the physical reaction when you feel butterflies.
Final Thoughts
It’s important to be kind to yourself while navigating these feelings, as healing from trauma and managing anxiety is a process that takes time. You're not alone in this, and with patience, practice, and support, it's entirely possible to find a path toward more comfortable intimate experiences. If you ever find your symptoms overwhelming or unmanageable, reaching out to a mental health professional can be a strong step in the right direction. Let me know if you need more information or support!
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