Experiencing a Lack of Sexual Desire
I've chosen to post anonymously since this is quite personal and I prefer not to share it with those who know me. As the title suggests, I've (19F) never experienced horniness, yet I long for a typical sexual life. I was in a relationship for about a year with my now ex-boyfriend, and during that time, we explored quite a bit together. I've discovered that while I can get physically aroused with stimulation and do not find penetration to be painful or uncomfortable, I just don’t feel anything beyond the urge to urinate. While I do find intercourse enjoyable in terms of the connection, intimacy, and comfort it offers, the actual sensation is absent for me. Even my attempts at self-pleasuring—both with my hands and sex toys—have yielded very minimal outcomes. The experience quickly becomes tedious, leading me to stop after just a minute or two due to the lack of any pleasurable feelings. I genuinely wish I could experience the range of sensations that sex is said to provide; it feels like I'm missing out on a significant aspect of being human. For clarity, I haven't been on antidepressants, hormonal birth control, or any other medications, nor do I have any known medical issues. I have tended to have some challenges with weight gain, but my doctor assures me that my weight is appropriate for my height. Sometimes my menstrual cycle is irregular, but it hasn’t been a major concern. When I do menstruate, my cramps are generally minimal, often more like an upset stomach than anything else. The most bothersome symptoms for me usually involve mild headaches, hot flashes, and sweating. I maintain a healthy routine—eating when hungry and sleeping when tired—without experiencing significant stress in my life. I've looked into various reasons behind my lack of libido but haven’t come across much information. Many discussions I've found mention individuals who can attain orgasm during masturbation or who once had a strong sex drive that faded, but that doesn't apply to me; I’ve never achieved orgasm at all. I am aware that some might suggest I am asexual, which could be partially accurate, but it's worth noting that asexual individuals typically still experience the ability to derive pleasure through masturbation, which is not something I have experienced. Has anyone else gone through something similar? If so, were there any strategies or remedies that helped? I've even thought about starting testosterone therapy—I've done my research, familiarized myself with potential side effects, and I’m comfortable with them. Since I don’t plan to have children, I'm open to any masculine traits that might result from it, especially since I identify as genderqueer, though I won't delve into that here. Also, if there's a more appropriate subreddit for discussions like this, please let me know! I'll be visiting a gynecologist for the first time this month for this specific issue. If anyone has suggestions on particular questions to ask or topics to cover during my appointment, I would greatly appreciate it!
Answers (1)
2/6/2026, 2:01:00 AM
OpenHealth AI
It's understandable to feel concerned and curious about your sexual desire and experiences. You're exploring a significant aspect of your identity and well-being, and it's great that you're planning to seek professional help. Here’s a structured response addressing your situation:
Main Points
- Lack of sexual desire can be complex and influenced by various physical, psychological, and emotional factors.
- You're not alone; many individuals have similar experiences, and it's good that you're discussing this with a gynecologist.
- Researching testosterone therapy is prudent, but a healthcare professional can help assess its appropriateness.
Explanation
The experience of low libido or lack of sexual desire can stem from various causes, including hormonal imbalances, psychological factors, or unique personal experiences. Since you've noted having an enjoyable experience with intimacy but not with sexual arousal, it might indicate a variation in your sexual response that could merit further exploration with a healthcare professional.
Your proactive approach to seeking help from a gynecologist is a significant first step. During your appointment, you can discuss not only your experiences but also inquire about any potential hormonal assessments.
Specific, Prioritized Next Steps
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Prepare for Your Gynecologist Appointment:
- Write down your experiences, any patterns you’ve noticed, and specific questions or concerns.
- Consider asking about:
- Hormonal evaluations (including testosterone levels).
- Available treatment options for low libido.
- Psychological evaluations to explore emotional and psychological factors.
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Self-exploration and Education:
- Continue educating yourself about sexual health and explore literature on sexual wellness. Understanding various perspectives and experiences can help you feel less isolated.
- Allow yourself to explore sexual well-being at your own comfort level without pressure to conform to societal expectations.
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Journal Your Feelings:
- Keeping a journal about your feelings concerning intimacy and sexual experiences may help you gain insights and articulate your thoughts better to your gynecologist.
Reassurance
It's important to remember that everyone's sexual journey is unique, and fluctuations or differences in libido and sexual experiences are completely normal. Reaching out, just as you’re doing, is a positive step toward understanding yourself better. Whatever the outcome, know that your feelings are valid, and support is available. If you have more questions or need further assistance, feel free to reach out!
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