OpenHealth Q&A

Confronting Family Struggles Over My Dad's Cancer Treatment

Hello, I find myself in a particularly tough predicament and would appreciate any guidance. My father, aged 70, is suffering from stage 3 squamous cell carcinoma located in his mouth, with tumors affecting his gums, the rear of his throat near the tonsils, and the upper palate. He has endured considerable hardship, including chemotherapy and a lengthy 17-hour surgery in spring 2024 aimed at removing the cancer. Sadly, the operation did not eradicate all the cancerous cells, and the disease continues to progress. Although he isn’t in pain, he experiences significant discomfort. Due to the removal of some of his back teeth and a fractured jaw from the surgery, he is unable to consume solid foods. He is presently undergoing painful rehabilitation to regain some functionality in his mouth, striving to improve his speech. As of now, he relies on a small whiteboard to communicate his thoughts. From what I’ve gathered through my half-sister, who has been attending his medical appointments, the healthcare professionals at Columbia University Irving Medical Center (CUIMC) in New York City have indicated that their best option moving forward is additional chemotherapy. However, they express doubt about its effectiveness at halting the cancer's advancement. I haven’t had direct conversations with the doctors, but I’m depending on the information relayed by my half-sister. Recently, my father became aware of a potential clinical trial and expressed his desire to participate. However, this is where complications arise—my stepmother and some other relatives are vehemently opposed to this idea. During a recent family conference call, they devised a plan aimed at persuading my father against joining the trial. I advocated for respecting his wishes, arguing that if he wants to proceed, our support should follow. Unfortunately, this suggestion was met with resistance. The situation has escalated. My stepmother is intending to submit legal documentation to declare my father mentally unfit (which he undeniably is not) in order to assume control over his healthcare decisions, as she is resolute in preventing him from entering the clinical trial. Her motivation? She is pushing for a dubious, unverified "treatment" involving herbal injections that would be administered directly into his gums every 12 hours for the next two years. This procedure is being offered by an individual we’ll refer to as “Dr. X,” who purports to practice a form of "Russian medicine." He claims to have lost his father to squamous cell carcinoma and left the traditional medical system in his quest to “discover the cure.” Now, he insists that he has found it. Several alarming factors contribute to my concern regarding this situation: - I cannot locate any reliable information on this practitioner. - There are no verifiable credentials, research publications, or credible articles associated with him. - His website is a .net domain (not even a standard .com), and his business cards appear homemade. - He also makes absurd claims about curing autism and other conditions—this raises numerous red flags. My half-sister, who seems to fully embrace this individual’s claims, argued with me that autism is non-genetic, claiming that this practitioner has somehow "proven" otherwise. Adding to my frustrations, this so-called doctor demands $30,000 in cash for the outlined treatment, and my stepmother has already disbursed $10,000. He has been sending texts encouraging us to transfer the remaining balance via Zelle. Having read his messages, I can’t shake the feeling that they exhibit classic scammer tactics. He asserts: "The doctors at CUIMC have exhausted their options for your father. I am his sole chance. Please send the remaining payment to continue treatment." This feels alarmingly fraudulent. Am I overreacting, or does this not sound like a blatant scam? To complicate matters even further, I reside in a different state, about seven hours away from my father. I want to reach out to this so-called doctor to ask questions, but I would feel more secure with a healthcare professional’s insight since my trust in him is minimal. I just feel overwhelmed and isolated in supporting my father’s rights to his medical choices. Has anyone faced a situation like this before? What would you do if you were in my position? I truly feel at my wit’s end. Thank you, 40F

Answers (1)

3/31/2025, 1:40:49 AM

OpenHealth AI

It sounds like you're in a deeply challenging situation involving your father's health and the differing opinions within your family regarding his treatment options. Your concerns about the alternative treatment your stepmother is pursuing are valid, especially given the signs that suggest it might not be a legitimate medical option. Here’s a structured approach to navigating this complex situation:

Key Points:

1. Concerns About the Alternative Treatment: The herbal injections promoted by the so-called "Dr. X" raise significant red flags regarding legitimacy and safety.
2. Your Father's Autonomy: It's essential to respect your father's wishes regarding his treatment, including his interest in clinical trials.
3. Family Disputes: The opposition from your stepmother and other relatives complicates your ability to advocate for your father's choices.

Explanation:

Your father's medical condition and previous treatments indicate that he is at a critical juncture in his care. It’s understandable to want the best for him, but pursuing unverified treatments based on dubious claims can put his health at greater risk. The attempt to label him as mentally unfit could undermine his autonomy, especially since he is capable of making his own healthcare decisions.

Next Steps:

1. Gather Facts:

   • Speak to a Professional: Reach out to his medical team at CUIMC directly to express your concerns and seek clarity about his prognosis, treatment options (including the clinical trial), and any potential risks associated with the alternative treatment. Ensure you also ask about your father's mental competence regarding decision-making.
   • Research the “Doctor”: Investigate “Dr. X” through reliable medical sources and state medical boards to ascertain his legitimacy and any credentials. Look for clinical trial registries to verify the legitimacy of the claims being made about alternative treatments.

2. Support Your Father's Choices:

   • Have an open and understanding conversation with your father about his care options. Reinforce that it’s crucial for him to make decisions that he feels are right for him.
   • If he wishes to pursue the clinical trial, emphasize the importance of having a supportive family, regardless of differing opinions.

3. Document Everything:

   • Keep a detailed record of communications regarding your father's treatment, the discussions about his mental state, and the claims made by the alternative treatment provider. This documentation might be necessary if legal issues arise.

4. Address Family Dynamics:

   • Engage in respectful discussions with family members, aiming for empathy and understanding. Focus on your shared love for your father and the importance of honoring his wishes. Try to find common ground rather than conflict.

5. Consider Legal Options:

   • If the situation escalates regarding your father’s mental competency and decisions about his health, consult a legal professional who specializes in elder law. They can guide you on how to protect your father’s rights, especially if you believe he is in danger of being coerced into unwanted treatment.

6. Be Supportive:

   • Position yourself as an advocate for your father while ensuring he knows he has your unwavering support. Let him know that you’re there to help him find the best path for his health based on informed, evidence-based decisions.

This is undoubtedly a stressful and emotional time, but taking these steps can help you navigate the complexities of your father’s care while advocating for his rights and preferences. Remember, you are doing your best to ensure his well-being, which is commendable in itself.