OpenHealth Q&A

Unraveling My Father's Deteriorating Condition: Medical Dilemma or Psychological Strain?

I’m a 29-year-old man reflecting on my 66-year-old father’s troubling behavior, alongside my 64-year-old mother, as we navigate life in California. The complications began surfacing around five years ago, coinciding with the onset of COVID-19, and have worsened significantly since then. I’ll provide some context to clarify his evolving thought patterns and actions. For most of his life, my dad consumed alcohol socially, but this escalated over the years to a nightly routine where he would finish off one or two bottles of wine. He held a position as Chief Operating Officer for a corporation, often absent from home and preferring to unwind with a drink upon returning. Throughout his career, he appeared to lack a social life outside of work commitments. In 2015, after spending two decades with his company, it was acquired, resulting in significant layoffs that he participated in, followed by his own eventual dismissal. This upheaval transitioned him into occasional consulting, where he relied on past business contacts in Asia, ultimately leading to a reclusive lifestyle centered in his home office. As COVID-19 took hold in 2020, he retreated even further, rarely leaving our house and neglecting to visit ailing family members who begged for his presence. He chose to sleep in his office while my mother occupied their bedroom. This trend continued unhindered, with work declining precipitously, yet he persevered with various unproductive “projects” that consumed his time, including budgeting and networking for his consulting ventures. Now, five years later, he remains entrenched in the same behaviors, fixating on talks about unfulfilled business opportunities and harboring delusions of grandeur. During the pandemic, he suffered a fall that resulted in a head injury requiring hospitalization, where doctors found no apparent damage. For example, he claims that figures like Elon Musk are considering him for employment and insists that tech firms overseas are clamoring for his expertise. He believes women are eager for his attention and credits himself as the key adviser benefiting others in finance. Notable behaviors that have emerged since 2015 include: - An insistence on discussing only his own experiences - A constant need to grab the spotlight - A belief that he is excessively overweight despite being 6'4" and only 140 pounds - Proclaiming himself an authority on numerous subjects - A lack of concern for my wellbeing or inquiries about others - Continuous conversations that revolve solely around his self-perceived greatness - A tendency to oscillate between social engagement and hermit-like isolation during family gatherings, often disappearing for long periods. Recent observations reveal: - Neuropathic symptoms in his legs - Diminished memory function - An inclination to recount old stories as if they occurred recently - Inappropriate comments aimed at my wife and my brother’s girlfriend - A diet consisting of only one to two meals a day - An erratic sleep pattern, often waking late and staying up into the early hours - Conversations that lack coherence and logic, often jumping from topic to topic - An unsettling habit of cornering family members and singing awkwardly - An inability to track days or navigate back home if outside of a twenty-minute radius. The gravest issue is his control over the household finances, marked by an extreme possessiveness that has worsened over time. My mother, a former stay-at-home parent with an engineering degree, finds herself living in poverty while I contribute to her basic needs. My father erupts with an unsettling demeanor reminiscent of Gollum when she requests funds for necessities like gas or groceries. He has shown an alarming tendency to engage with telemarketers, revealing an inability to manage money appropriately. Meanwhile, my mother, who is physically limited, continues to manage household chores and drive him to appointments while he remains holed up at home. Should a separation occur, I fear he would spiral into self-neglect, possibly leading to catastrophic outcomes. My mother cannot endure this state indefinitely, but he vehemently refuses to consider lifestyle changes despite my multiple attempts to encourage healthier living. We sought assistance from his primary care physician, who administered a brief verbal assessment, deeming him healthy. Conversely, a life insurance application indicated otherwise as it required a different evaluation. We face barriers to seeing a psychiatrist or geriatric specialist without proper referrals, and many dementia facilities mandate a diagnosis before accepting a patient. At this juncture, I’m at a loss for next steps. What are your insights regarding his condition? Which specialists should we approach? Additionally, if my mother pursues legal options against his refusal to seek help, what are her rights? I have suggested various means for improvement including meal plans, vitamin intake, limiting alcohol, maintaining schedules, and social engagement, and we scheduled an MRI for September, hoping to illuminate the situation further.

Answers (1)

8/9/2025, 6:31:13 PM

OpenHealth AI

Your father’s condition appears complex, with a blend of behavioral changes, potential cognitive decline, and troubling lifestyle choices that are affecting your family significantly. It's commendable that you are seeking to understand these changes and looking for ways to address them.

Key Insights:

1. Cognitive and Behavioral Changes: Your father's behavior suggests potential cognitive issues, which could be linked to psychological stress, neurological changes, or substance abuse related to alcohol.
2. Impact on Family Dynamics: His actions are affecting your mother’s wellbeing and financial stability, raising concerns about her support and your father's capacity to care for himself.
3. Need for Specialists: A thorough assessment from appropriate specialists could provide clarity on his condition and treatment options.

Explanation:

The symptoms you describe—cognitive decline, social withdrawal, poor dietary habits, and erratic behaviors—may point to underlying issues such as dementia, depression, or possible substance-related disorders. The combination of these factors, especially with the refusal to seek help, complicates the situation.

Next Steps:

1. Comprehensive Assessment:

   • Neurologist: Request a detailed evaluation from a neurologist who specializes in cognitive disorders to assess potential dementia, especially considering the memory issues and confusion. Given the history of his fall, it’s essential to rule out any underlying neurological condition.
   • Psychiatrist: A psychiatrist can assess for underlying depression or anxiety that could be contributing to his behavior and can help create a treatment plan, including possible medication management if necessary.

2. Intervention Strategies:

   • Family Therapy or Intervention: Consider engaging a professional interventionist who can help facilitate discussions with your father about the need for treatment and lifestyle changes. This can sometimes motivate patients who are resistant to change.
   • Legal Options: If your mother is considering legal actions due to your father's refusal to provide for household needs, it’s important for her to consult with a family law or elder law attorney. They can provide information on conservatorship or guardianship options, which might allow her to manage finances if he is deemed incapable of doing so.

3. Immediate Support for Your Mother:

   • Encourage her to reach out for community resources or support groups for caregivers, which can provide emotional support and practical advice.
   • Assess her options for financial assistance or emergency relief programs to ensure she has access to basic needs.

4. Nutrition and Lifestyle: Continue to encourage small changes rather than drastic ones. For example:

   • Prepare simple meals with her that may be appealing to your father.
   • Engage him in light family activities that can enhance social engagement without overwhelming him.

5. Maintain Communication: Keep an open line of communication without confrontation. Express concern about both his wellbeing and your mother's needs, focusing on care rather than control.

Conclusion:

Your father's situation is concerning, and it's critical to address it with the right professionals. Focus on getting him evaluated as soon as possible to understand his mental health and cognitive state, while also supporting your mother in her financial and emotional needs. Change may be gradual, so be patient and supportive as you navigate this challenging situation together.