OpenHealth Q&A

Did My OBGYN Understand My Situation and Deceive My Mother?

At 32 years of age, I am assigned female at birth (AFAB) and reflect on a harrowing experience from my youth. When I was still a minor, I was manipulated and abused by an older boyfriend who ultimately caused me to become pregnant. He was later apprehended and incarcerated. Before he was jailed, my OBGYN informed my mother and me that to conduct a paternity test for legal proceedings, a surgical abortion would be necessary. I was resolute—not only would I refuse that path, which I deemed traumatic for both myself and my unborn child, but I made my own decision regarding the matter. I requested my boyfriend to arrange a standard abortion since I was nearing the three-month mark of my pregnancy. I was given two pills—one to swallow immediately and another for a later time, although the specifics are a blur now. Prior to the procedure, an ultrasound was performed to confirm the presence and positioning of the fetus. Following the medication, I experienced excessive bleeding, prompting my mother to take me to the doctor for further examination. I distinctly recall feeling the loss of my baby before that visit, a phenomenon the abortion clinic had warned could happen. During our appointments, my mother displayed classic helicopter parenting tendencies, making me uncomfortable. The day of the doctor's visit, the physician began the ultrasound, and I sensed it was taking longer than usual. An air of tension built in the room, compounded by his unusual silence. He eventually lifted the ultrasound wand, pausing for what felt like an eternity. Something felt amiss to me. Finally, he informed my mother, "The pregnancy has become ectopic. We must administer an abortion shot and hope for it to resolve itself; otherwise, it may pose serious health risks." My heart raced at this revelation. Deep down, I was certain it was not ectopic. The abortion clinic also affirmed this. Was this doctor simply speculating, making a grave error, or inadvertently acting as my savior? I often contemplate that day and the physician’s actions. Was I misreading the situation due to my heightened stress levels, or was my instinct correct? I turn to the medical community on Reddit: was this doctor really my guardian angel in disguise? Based on the details I've shared, what are your perspectives? If he indeed saved me during that unsettling time, I yearn to reconnect and express my gratitude for his assistance all those years ago. Thank you for considering my story.

Answers (1)

6/29/2025, 10:50:35 PM

OpenHealth AI

Thank you for sharing your experience, as it clearly weighs heavily on your mind. It’s understandable to reflect on such significant events from your past, especially those that involve complex emotions like trauma and medical decisions. Let's break down your situation and provide a perspective on what might have happened.

Main Points:

1. The situation you experienced with your pregnancy and the medical decisions made by your healthcare provider were complex and fraught with emotion.
2. It's important to understand that ectopic pregnancies can pose serious risks, and healthcare professionals often prioritize the health and safety of the patient.

Explanation:

An ectopic pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg implants outside the uterus, often in a fallopian tube. This can be life-threatening if not treated promptly. If your OBGYN suggested there was a risk of ectopic pregnancy based on an ultrasound, it may have been due to specific indicators that warranted concern. Your feelings of uncertainty during the ultrasound and the doctor's subsequent actions suggest they were being cautious about your health.

In scenarios like this, healthcare providers aim to balance medical guidelines with compassion for the emotional turmoil patients experience, especially in delicate situations involving pregnancy.

Next Steps:

1. Self-Reflection: Consider journaling about your feelings regarding this experience to clarify your emotions and understand the impact it had on your life.

2. Educate Yourself: Research ectopic pregnancies and their symptoms to better understand what happened during that time. This can help you contextualize your feelings and the doctor's actions.

3. Reaching Out: If you feel compelled, you might consider contacting the medical facility where the doctor worked to express your gratitude. Many healthcare providers appreciate hearing positive feedback from former patients.

4. Support System: If the memories of this experience are distressing, it might be beneficial to talk with a counselor or therapist who specializes in trauma. They can provide a safe space for you to process these feelings.

5. Future Health Decisions: Taking a proactive approach to your reproductive health going forward, including regular check-ups with trusted healthcare providers, can help you feel more empowered and informed.

Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to seek closure or understanding about this chapter of your life. If you have further questions or need additional support, don’t hesitate to reach out.