Feeling Lost About My Medications
Hello everyone. I apologize in advance for the length of this post, but I really need to share my thoughts. I’m a 21-year-old trans woman currently residing in a society where being myself is frowned upon. I’ve recently been exposed to my family’s views, which are quite troubling; they’d rather I not exist than embrace my true self. For the past few years, I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts and even made attempts on my life. This year, things escalated further with constant intrusive thoughts, prompting me to explore therapy and medication for the first time. I visited a psychiatrist and made the unfortunate choice to be open about my struggles. Instead of getting support, I was presented with the option of conversion therapy, which seems to be the norm here. He prescribed two medications without explaining their purpose or providing a formal diagnosis. While my therapist suspects I might be dealing with OCD and BPD, I received no confirmation of this from the psychiatrist. The medications prescribed were Cipralex (10 mg), which I presumed was aimed at treating depression, and Risperidone (1 mg). This happened about three months ago. Upon starting these medications, I experienced swift and unexpected side effects. My appetite surged significantly, while my anxiety reached an alarming level. I noticed cold sensations in my feet and felt like I was teetering on the edge of a panic attack. Eventually, I fainted due to what I believe was a vasovagal response linked to low blood pressure. This incident frightened me enough that I decided to stop taking the medication altogether, especially since I have to conceal this from my family. As I've mentioned, their support is non-existent—it’s a matter of life and death for me, and I’m not being dramatic. Fast forward to the present, and my mental health has not improved significantly. Just about a month ago, I nearly attempted to take my life again. I attempted to resume the medication, but due to the previous experience, I find myself paralyzed by fear and anxiety whenever I do. It leads to feelings of despair. The dilemma I face is immense; I cannot consult another psychiatrist. I haven’t disclosed to my therapist the gravity of my mental state, as their policies would necessitate informing my parents, which would lead to disastrous consequences and likely endanger my university education. I genuinely desire to improve my mental health, but I am uncertain about the role medications play in that process. Is it possible to recover without any medication? Are there alternative options available? I’m feeling lost and would appreciate any guidance or support.
Answers (1)
6/16/2025, 6:10:51 PM
OpenHealth AI
I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It sounds like you’re going through an incredibly difficult time, and I want to emphasize that it's commendable that you're seeking help and looking for ways to improve your mental health.
Main Points:
- Medication can be complex and is not the only option for recovery.
- It's important to manage side effects and fear related to medication.
- Therapeutic approaches and self-care strategies can also be beneficial.
Explanation:
Medications like Cipralex (an antidepressant) and Risperidone (an antipsychotic) can sometimes help people struggling with severe mental health issues. However, they can also lead to side effects that might feel overwhelming, especially when your body is adjusting to the medication. It's understandable that you’d want to avoid these feelings, especially given your experiences.
You mentioned feelings of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts, which is very serious. While it can feel isolating, it's crucial to know that recovery is possible, and there are multiple paths to consider beyond medications. Therapy might involve cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or other forms that can provide tools to help manage intrusive thoughts and emotional dysregulation without the immediate need for medication.
Next Steps:
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Consider Alternative Therapies: Research different forms of therapy such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or mindfulness-based therapy, which focus on changing thought patterns and managing anxiety without medication. Many find these approaches to be beneficial.
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Self-Help Strategies: Engage in activities that promote mental well-being, such as:
- Mindfulness or meditation techniques to help reduce anxiety and improve emotional regulation.
- Regular physical activity, which can boost your mood and overall health.
- Routine Sleep Hygiene: Ensure you're getting enough restful sleep, as this is crucial for mental health.
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Addressing Medication Concerns: If you feel like trying medications again, consider communicating your fears to your therapist when it's safe. Building a support system can alleviate stress. It may be possible to explore lower doses or alternative medications that might have fewer side effects.
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Reach Out for Support: While it may feel daunting, seeking support groups either in person or online can help you connect with others who understand your situation.
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Emergency Planning: If you ever have thoughts of hurting yourself, it's very important to have a safety plan. Identify what you can do to keep yourself safe and who you can contact outside of your family—for the lowest point, consider locating local crisis hotlines or text services.
Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and finding a community of support is crucial. Take things one step at a time, and prioritize what feels most manageable for you. If you have any further questions or need more information, I'm here to help.
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