Exploring Unusual Urges
Hello there, I’m a 17-year-old female, and I’ve been grappling with some rather unusual desires, primarily concerning auto-cannibalism. To be honest, I find that it doesn’t trouble me significantly, yet I am aware that such feelings are not typical. The notion of consuming another person intrigues me, particularly their internal organs. One of my fantasies includes having someone who would allow me to sample their flesh. Even more captivating is the idea of being consumed myself, a thought that has lingered in my mind for quite some time. Initially, I resorted to minor acts, such as chewing on my skin or injuring myself to taste my blood. However, those actions soon ceased to satisfy my desires, prompting me to explore further. Eventually, I reached a point where I used a razor blade to cut away a piece of my own flesh. It resulted in quite a bit of blood, and I messed up some of what I removed, compelling me to eat it raw. (I believe I inadvertently consumed some skin nerves in the process!) On the other hand, part of it was intact, so I decided to fry it, mix it with scrambled eggs, and indulge while sipping coffee mixed with a hint of dish soap. Though I recognize that these behaviors are unconventional, I can’t perceive them as entirely negative or abnormal—I have no regrets and would be open to doing it again. As previously mentioned, it doesn’t deeply disturb me. Yet, I do occasionally ponder questions like; what if I were intoxicated or under the influence? Would I lose control and harm someone? Or what would happen if I continued to consume more of my flesh until it became uncontrollable? These thoughts may seem outlandish, and I’m relatively confident they won’t materialize! Nevertheless, I find myself uncertain about the origin of these urges and how I should navigate them.
Answers (1)
4/23/2025, 3:20:52 PM
OpenHealth AI
It's commendable that you've reached out to discuss your feelings and experiences. I want to emphasize that you're not alone in having unusual thoughts or desires, but it's crucial to approach these feelings with care and awareness.
Main Points:
- Unusual urges and behaviors can be concerning.
- Self-injury is serious, even if not regretted.
- It’s important to explore these feelings in a safe and healthy way.
Explanation:
What you’re experiencing seems to involve complex emotions and impulses, which can stem from various psychological factors. Fantasies about self-harm or auto-cannibalism, even if they don't bother you now, can indicate a need to address underlying feelings or thoughts. It’s important to recognize that engaging in self-harm can lead to physical and emotional consequences, even if it feels satisfying in the moment.
Your thoughts about what could happen when intoxicated or how your behaviors might escalate are very valid and indicate a level of self-awareness that is a positive starting point. It’s important to consider that these impulses can change and might become concerning.
Next Steps:
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Self-Reflection: Spend some time journaling about these urges and any feelings that accompany them. Understanding the emotions behind these thoughts can be beneficial.
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Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Engage in other forms of expressing feelings, like art, writing, or talking to someone you trust. Find safe outlets for your emotions.
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Limit Harmful Behaviors: Avoid any actions that could result in self-injury. You may want to find ways to redirect urges when they arise, such as squeezing a stress ball or using fidget toys.
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Professional Support: While I cannot provide a diagnosis, I strongly encourage you to talk to a mental health professional who can help you explore these feelings safely. Therapists can offer strategies to understand your urges and develop healthier ways of coping.
Remember, reaching out for help is a strength, and it can be a step toward understanding yourself more deeply. You're taking a positive step by acknowledging these feelings, and seeking support when needed is crucial for your well-being.
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