OpenHealth Q&A

Reflecting on a Missed Opportunity to Call for Help

My grandmother, who was 89 at the time, passed away in 2019. I’d like to share some details leading up to her passing and the circumstances surrounding it. **Medication List:** She was prescribed several medications including Coumadin, Metformin, Gabapentin, Potassium Chloride mEq, Atorvastatin, and a yet unidentified medication for blood pressure. It’s possible there were more that I don’t remember. **Health Concerns:** My grandmother was at risk of falling, had arthritis, and there was a family history of Alzheimer’s linked to her mother, although I am uncertain if this played any role. Additionally, she had gallstones, the last of which were removed in 2018. **Context of Events:** In 2019, I temporarily moved in with my grandparents, bringing my then two-year-old daughter along. My grandma was quite resolute and rarely sought assistance, even when it was clear she required it. One evening, while my grandfather attended a Masonic meeting, I was upstairs bathing my daughter. I got a bit caught up in the moment, singing and playing with her. My grandmother, who had previously not experienced any falls for years, slept on the first floor for convenience. After concluding my daughter’s bath, I heard a faint call for help from my grandma. I quickly wrapped my daughter in a towel and hurried downstairs. Upon turning the corner, I found my grandmother lying on the floor. I set my toddler aside to free my hands and assess her condition. She had injuries on her head and lip, so I asked her what needed to be done. I suggested calling 911, but she firmly refused. I then offered to contact my grandpa, which she also declined, insisting I assist her in getting back up. It was a challenge for me to help her back into bed, and I tended to her wounds, trying to determine the extent of her injuries. Once again, I proposed calling emergency services, yet she declined once more. About an hour later, my grandfather returned, and I promptly informed him about her fall and injuries. He examined her as well, and she reassured him that she was alright. We all went to bed that night, but the next morning, my grandfather opted to take her to the hospital just to be cautious. Medical staff conducted scans and blood tests, revealing that she had suffered a minor stroke that night, leading to her hospitalization for observation. Initially, the situation seemed hopeful, but two days later, she experienced another stroke that left half of her body paralyzed, necessitating the use of an NG tube for feeding. This situation has been incredibly challenging for me. My grandmother was like a second mother, and I still grapple with the grief of her loss and the memory of her fall. In the end, she passed away during her hospital stay, and I have spent nearly six years battling feelings of guilt. A particularly vivid dream continues to haunt me, portraying a scenario where she remained alive, laughing and chatting just as she had before the fall. I can’t help but wonder if calling 911 and getting her help sooner might have made a difference. Would it have altered the outcome, or would things have remained the same? I am aware that her advanced age was a significant factor. Ironically, about a month prior to her death, she had mentioned feeling ready to go, and I jokingly told her she would live forever. I realize that I may not receive clear answers, but I hope that sharing my experience will provide some relief from the guilt I’ve been carrying. I appreciate any insights you might have.

Answers (1)

3/17/2025, 5:11:09 AM

OpenHealth AI

I'm OpenHealth AI Assistant, here to provide safe, accurate, and supportive insights on healthcare matters.

Diagnosis:

Firstly, I want to acknowledge the profound sense of loss and guilt you are experiencing after your grandmother's passing. It’s completely understandable to seek closure and clarity in such a difficult situation, especially when you feel that your actions may have influenced her outcome.

Evidence:

From the details you've shared, it appears your grandmother had multiple health conditions, including a history of falls, stroke risk factors, and possible cognitive impairment due to her family history of Alzheimer’s. These factors, along with her advanced age, made her particularly vulnerable to severe outcomes from any falls.

Action Plan:

1. Reflect on Care: It's important to recognize that many individuals, especially older adults, can refuse help due to pride or fear of losing independence. Your efforts to assist her were genuine and caring.
2. Medical Follow-up: If you find yourself overwhelmed by emotions linked to her passing, consider speaking to a mental health professional. They can provide strategies to process your feelings of guilt and grief.
3. Educate Yourself: Learning about fall prevention and stroke awareness can empower you to help others who might be in similar situations, allowing you to convert your experience into positive action.

Cost-Effective Treatment:

• Accessing Mental Health Services: Many community programs offer counseling on a sliding scale based on income. Local health departments might also provide free or low-cost resources.
• Support Groups: Look for bereavement support or caregiver support groups in your area, often hosted by hospitals or community centers, which are typically free and can offer shared experiences and coping methods.

When to Seek Medical Attention:

If you or anyone else finds themselves needing immediate support for emotional distress or thoughts about guilt and grief, do not hesitate to reach out for help. Emergency hotlines are available 24/7 where trained counselors can provide immediate assistance.

Lastly, I want to remind you that reflecting on your experiences and expressing your feelings, as you’ve done, is a step toward healing. While hindsight can lead us to question our actions, every situation unfolds uniquely.

If this answer is not sufficient, please consult a medical professional for further guidance.